Regardless of the divisions, differences, and discord within our society, one thing we can all agree on is that 2021 totally sucked! A vile and vicious tsunami ripped through our lives causing the kind of devastation normally reserved for your worst nightmares. People lost their jobs, businesses, homes, personal freedoms, and most heart-wrenching of all, loved ones.

We were yanked from the safety, security, and familiarity of our own little worlds, and slammed-dunked into a frightening and foreign reality that kept us endlessly preoccupied with COVID-19, wondering what damage it would do next.  We were suddenly without control. Without a solid foundation. Without familiar structures. Without the comfort of planning, ahead all of which paled in comparison, to the warmth and reassurance of human touch and connection. 

The aftermath of this pervasive and pernicious virus left us exhausted, disconnected, depressed, sad, lonely, lost and longing for the day that life would just get back to normal.  

The truth is however, life will never return to normal. Instead, we must look to creating a new normal and to rebuilding the pillars that were weakened in this merciless storm.

As you head into a New Year, with renewed energy and excitement, psyched up for success, setting ambitious colorful goals, stepping into action, determined to put 2021 behind you. It is worth knowing that when the clock strikes 12, it is your mindset and small incremental steps that sustain good mental health and well-being for the long haul. It is not what you do in the first few weeks of January but how you mindfully build habits and routines into your life…to become a way of life. 

Building a framework for lasting happiness and success relies upon how  you see the world, how you see yourself in the the world, and the building blocks you use to construct your outer and  inner world. 

Standing on a solid internal foundation expands your horizon, opens you up to new possibilities and provides a platform to be yourself, live your values and to experience life and relationships fully.  

With that said let’s get what you think, in sync with success starting with 7 things you need to leave behind in 2021.

Your thoughts keep you stagnated and in a state of self-doubt.It’s time to let them know who’s in charge! 

Your inner gremlins are always trying to get the better of you. They bombard you with thoughts of “I’m not good enough,’ “I can’t do this,” “I’m stupid,” or “I’m ugly,” or other negative thought that limits who you are. 

Get rid of mischievous chitchat by reframing the conversation in your mind. Think about how far you have come, your successes, lessons learned along your journey, your achievements regardless of how small. Set some ground rules around chatter that indulgences your self-doubt and insecurities. Don’t deny what’s coming up but at the same time, let it be known unequivocally who’s the boss. Don’t succumb to these mischievous little gremlins, they are instantly defeated the moment you begin to TRUST yourself.     

Negative thinking is negative linking! Being consumed with negative thoughts invariably links to negative outcomes. Negativity clouds the way you see and experience the world… and these clouds aren’t blue! They are malformed variations of black and gray and are strangely entertained by your misery. 

Cultivating cheerfulness and a positive attitude is deeply life-affirming. I’m not talking about putting on a facade, when really, you’re hurting inside. But simply looking at life through different lenses can add perspectives that bring new color, depth and dimensions to your view. Seeing the world with fresh eyes has the quality of transforming your experiences and igniting your inner joy. 

Practice positive habits such as appreciating the small things in life. Regular acts of kindness. Smiling from the inside out and daily self-care check-ins.    

You are the vehicle of change in your life. Whether you choose to be up beat or beat down, you ultimately determine the ride!

Success is not a straight line and is often a journey laden with challenges, disappointment, and failure! Failure is inevitable. It is an inherent part of success and you simply cannot succeed unless you embrace both aspects of the coin. 

Failure is not final or fatal but merely an opportunity to grow and find the best in you! Each time you fail, you get up and try again, only this time, you try a little more, maybe a little differently, certainly a little better.

Each time you get up, you become stronger, wiser, more resilient, more refined and ready for whatever comes your way! You learn something new about yourself and about the process. You develop skills, character, and a particular mindset that become the building blocks to sustain you through life. 

Don’t be afraid to fail. You should fail. You must fail to overcome your fear of failure and to realize that the only true failure is when you fall and fail to get back up again. 

You are so concerned about pleasing others you sacrifice your own needs and wants ! You say yes when you really want to say no and say no, almost never. Your time and the activities you enjoy invariably take a back seat to the demands of others. 

You’re forever vying for the love and respect of those around you? You care more about what others think and downplay your own views and opinions, preferring to sit on the fence rather than to stand-up for your values and beliefs. You’re incapable of setting boundaries and so your entire existence revolves around your commitment to family, friends, co-workers and anyone else you feel duty-bound to squeeze in!

If this sounds like you…you are probably a pat-me-on-the-back people pleaser. Because at your core you have a deep need for external validation. Your greatest fear is that of failure and/or rejection. Your internal sense of self lacks control and so to compensate, you assert control in the form of pleasing others. This is where you are in control, and on a subconscious level, derive comfort and a sense of your own self-worth. 

So what happens when you say no to others? Does it set off a catastrophic tsunami that rips you up from the very ground under your feet? Do you lose your life, limb or liberty? Does your world start coming frantically apart at the seams? If not, perhaps it’s time to challenge some of your limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging ideas. 

Stop neglecting yourself and give yourself permission to be the priority in your life! Self care is not selfish…It’s Self-FULL. A Self-FULL of good health, confidence, autonomy and self-expression. A Self-FULL of radiance, richness and so much Joie de vivre, you validate yourself. No need to go seeking elsewhere. 

Being grounded in a strong sense of who you are, honoring your value and self-worth and living authentically, erases the soul-destroying need to please others. 

A certain amount of self-criticism is healthy when it supports human potential. It can be an effective motivator to push you out of your comfort zone and challenge you to improve your game. However, when self-criticism is cruel, demeaning and reinforces self-sabotaging thinking and behavior it is no longer healthy, but harmful.  

Self-criticism runs rampant in the absence of self-acceptance. Left unchecked, it brings out the worst of your inner critic and can potentially spiral into self-hate. Harsh self-criticism is corrosive and causes deep wounds that deprive you from fully enjoying life.  

Comparing yourself to others and harboring feelings that you don’t measure up provides the perfect condition for unrelenting self-criticism and self-hate to take root.  One way to neutralize these lower energies is with a  powerful dose of unconditional self-acceptance. Self-hate and self-criticism are immediately banished to the shadows each time you choose yourself. Choosing yourself is an act of courage because you stand up for your beliefs and values and for who you are. Choosing yourself is the ultimate act of kindness because it affirms that you are enough. Living from a place of courage and authenticity, enriches human experience and leaves no room for self-hate and self-criticism. 

Procrastination is a thief of time! The longer you procrastinate, the more time you waste. And once time is gone, you can never get it back!

Time is the most precious commodity and unlike money or material possessions that have a dollar value, time is priceless.

Procrastination is very alluring and easily justified by daily trivia and the regular distractions of life. It’s no one’s business if you spend 8 hours a day binging on Downton Abbey reruns. And so what if you waste 5 hours a day on the phone with your firends? Everyone needs a bit of gossip in their lives right?! 

But there is a rather seductive element of procrastination that is deeply insidious. You get so caught up in the feel-good-factor  in the moment that you never want it to end. It becomes a habit-forming behavior that leads to a permanent way of life. You fall down a rabbit hole that is very difficult to escape and keeps you trapped for years. You look back on your life and realize, you’ve had no life. You are full of regret because you’ve missed out on so much. The biggest blow of all is that you never got a chance to realize your potential. Your gifts that could have transformed the world stayed in the corner, gathering cobwebs. Your talents that could have served the greater good, ended up serving your lower indulgences and really served no on at all.  

Procrastination is easy in the short-term but you pay a very hefty cost in the long-term. 

The most powerful antidote for procrastination is purposeful ACTION! Decide at the beginning of the day, or whenever you’re in the grasp of a procrastinating moment, that you will take intentional ACTION steps towards your goal or project. When procrastination comes knocking, replace it with a small measurable ACTION step. Ask yourself, what is the best thing I could be working on right now, if not, why not?

Giving in to procrastination is a sure way to rob you of the meaning, purpose and success you deserve. Most egregious of all, procrastination deprives you of the dignity that comes with working hard and personal achievement. You are the driving force of your life and ultimately defined by the action or inaction you choose today. 

Perfectionism is quite different from a healthy desire to do well or to pursue excellence. Part of the human condition is to set worthy goals and strive towards their attainment. 

But there is a dark side of the human condition that is driven by an insatiable need to get every detail just right, all the time, in every way. It is the toxic disease of perfectionism and is slowly killing you inside.  

Perfectionists live in a world of inadequacy, deep fear of failure and rejection and a great need to control. They are never satisfied and demand more and more of themselves and others. Good enough never makes the cut. Perfectionists tend to fixate on a perfect outcome rather than enjoying the process. They can become so obsessed with achieving a perfect score that they fail to even get started. The very thought of failing or embarking on something that may lead to an imperfect outcome is so colossal in the mind of a perfectionist, that avoidance is more bearable than the feeling of being judged or shamed for a potential failure or flaw.  

A perfectionist may present as being in control and well put together, but the truth paints a very different picture. Inside, they yearn for approval and acceptance. 

The kindest gift a perfectionist can bestow is letting go of being perfect and enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of life.

Accepting your own flaws opens you up to accepting the flaws of others from a caring empathetic place. As you nurture yourself you give to others in a transformative unspoken exchange. 

Letting go of perfectionism compels you to see the trees and the forest.  Both form the integral landscape of your journey that no longer focuses purely on the destination. You have more room to enjoy the heck out of the ride rather than getting stuck in the details and losing sight of the bigger picture.

Break free from perfectionism. It hurts you, it hurts your relationships, and strips you of living fully in the moment and the enjoyment that goes with it. 

Meet Perfect Penny in my weekly journaling video series. She is utterly consumed with being perfect and equally as miserable. 

Leaving these 7 things behind in 2021 may seem difficult at first but the reward far outweights the fear of the first step. It gets easier with the second and third and by time you get to your 10th…it’s a breeze! 

I hope you enjoyed reading my blog as much as I enjyoed writing it. Share if you care.

Here’s wishing 2022 brings you an abundance of joy, happiness and peace. May the coming year be filled with amazing new insights and breathtaking adventures. Go learn new things, expand your wings and connect with some good energy. Show up with your own brand of sparkle and shine. Dream big and live your truth one wonderful experience at a time. 

With Grace and Gratitude

Michelle

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